"I don’t really like people, but it’s difficult to get comfortable with loneliness. I mean, I’ve tried to have friends, but it never works out. And I’m tired of going out alone. I’m ok staying in at my place. It smells good when I burn incense and I have a lot of records and I can just play video games.”
The bus she was waiting for arrived. “Do you need to go?”
"It’s ok. Another one will come in ten minutes… But then, you know, sometimes I just want a partner— a relationship. It would be nice to share this part of my life with someone. I’ve been single for years, and you know, there are people I could call if I wanted to. But people always end up saying things that rub me the wrong way, or if I open up to them, suddenly they want me to be their best friend, and I don’t want people to have expectations of me. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time if I’m not interested in being close to them."
Another bus came and went while she told me about the loneliness, wiping tears from her eyes. Then another. “I’m sorry, I’ve talked too long.”
"It’s really ok. Sometimes we just need to connect."
"Yeah, I forget that sometimes."
Anonymous asked: I see in your blog posts where you complain about people in your life and where they lack. I was wondering if you think you give out to people what you want from them? Do you think you deserve good people only because everyone does? Or do you deserve them because you are genuinely good to the friends you already have and others?
I do think I’m genuinely good to the friends that I have, or I at least am trying my best to be the best friend possible. I’ve definitely gotten better and I like to think of myself as a considerate, thoughtful person.
I’m very observant. So no matter what the words are, I will always follow and believe the actions.
I just really need for people to do what they say they’re going to do for once. I am a very, very simple person. Very simple. All I ask is that you are considerate and thoughtful and have some fucking courtesy. I’m really trying not to be on my “niggas ain’t shit” vibe but they really aren’t and that’s really how I’m feeling. I need a break.
“I spent a great deal of my life being ignored. I was always very happy that way. Being ignored is a great privilege. That is how I think I learnt to see what others do not see and to react to situations differently. I simply looked at the world, not really prepared for anything.” —Saul Leiter
The less loved you are by others, the more you have to love yourself.
I Don’t Need You ( The Worst Cover ) by JustineSkye